Ouch. I was stunned looking at it. This was me at 210lbs, my heaviest ever. Granted, this is me now...
But still, I think I still see myself as the girl in the first photo. No matter how hard I try, I still see that girl in the mirror and in my mind. I'm trying to get out of that mind-frame. It's much easier said that done. I tell myself I'm worth more than any image, but if I'm truly honest, I think that people treat you how they see you. That was part of the reason I wanted to change in the first place. I was tired of being invisible. I always blended into the crowd, unless someone was trying to point out a fat chick. I never had any fun, for fear of people looking at me and judging me. People DO judge bigger people harshly. Why? I don't know. We are all still people. I am the same girl in both pictures...but the girl in that first picture wouldn't get asked if she needed help at a store, or have doors opened for her, or have people offer to carry her things to her car when she was alone. Nope. Never.
Am I different? Somewhat. But I am still the same Mandy that I always was. Other than my lifestyle changes, I make almost all the same choices I would have back then, my interests are still the same, and I have all the same people in my life other than my new friends at this base. I am treated differently though, and sometimes that makes me angry. Angry that people judge. Angry that people chose to not see me or associate with me. Angry that society has the world thinking that size 0 is the best.
You know what the best is? Being fit. No, I'm serious. Whatever size you are at, if you are FIT, you are at your best health. We are beautiful at every size, and there is so much more to all of us than our weight. It's sad that sometimes people don't see that, and that society puts so much emphasis on image. It makes us treat others, and ourselves, differently. But, remember that you are worthy, beautiful, and amazing no matter what size you are! We are all people, we are all the same.
Until next time,