Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Looking Back...

So my brother messaged me early this morning to tell me that he found this little gem of me:

Ouch. I was stunned looking at it. This was me at 210lbs, my heaviest ever. Granted, this is me now...

But still, I think I still see myself as the girl in the first photo. No matter how hard I try, I still see that girl in the mirror and in my mind. I'm trying to get out of that mind-frame. It's much easier said that done. I tell myself I'm worth more than any image, but if I'm truly honest, I think that people treat you how they see you. That was part of the reason I wanted to change in the first place. I was tired of being invisible. I always blended into the crowd, unless someone was trying to point out a fat chick. I never had any fun, for fear of people looking at me and judging me. People DO judge bigger people harshly. Why? I don't know. We are all still people. I am the same girl in both pictures...but the girl in that first picture wouldn't get asked if she needed help at a store, or have doors opened for her, or have people offer to carry her things to her car when she was alone. Nope. Never.

Am I different? Somewhat. But I am still the same Mandy that I always was. Other than my lifestyle changes, I make almost all the same choices I would have back then, my interests are still the same, and I have all the same people in my life other than my new friends at this base. I am treated differently though, and sometimes that makes me angry. Angry that people judge. Angry that people chose to not see me or associate with me. Angry that society has the world thinking that size 0 is the best.

You know what the best is? Being fit. No, I'm serious. Whatever size you are at, if you are FIT, you are at your best health. We are beautiful at every size, and there is so much more to all of us than our weight. It's sad that sometimes people don't see that, and that society puts so much emphasis on image. It makes us treat others, and ourselves, differently. But, remember that you are worthy, beautiful, and amazing no matter what size you are! We are all people, we are all the same.

Until next time,



  1. You have no idea how badly I want to be as skinny as you are now. You look great doll!

  2. You look incredible! So inspiring.

  3. Such an inspiration! I am currently in the position where you first started. It seems so difficult. I'm a stay at home mom and snacking is all I seem to be doing. I so badly want to be healthy again and feel good :(

  4. I'm coming to you via Pinterest! I've just had a few minutes to browse your blog, but I saw that above you wrote that you still see yourself as the heavier you. I find it so ironic that so many of us have trouble seeing ourselves as we truly are. I remember when I was young I was actually pretty thin, but in my mind I thought I was really large. After my second baby I WAS actually really large!! LOL I worked my booty off and took off the weight. I felt really good about myself but gradually for lots of reasons over the past 10 years I put the weight back on and then some. All this time in my mind I see myself as the skinny me, but I know that's not how I look to everyone else so I have been in a constant state of embarrassment since I started gaining weight. I feel like I want to run up to people and say, I'm not really fat, you should see me when I'm skinny! To make it worse for myself I'll be going along feeling fine (not good!) and I'll catch a glimpse of myself or see a new picture and it's SO depressing. I've been working on taking off the weight off and on all these years and never been successful. This time I feel like I'll be successful, because I'm actually sticking to my plan but it's been since August and I'm not seeing any improvement. I'm just going to keep going and even if I never lose a pound I actually feel better already, I can breathe again!


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