Saturday, April 14, 2012

New Experiences

The beach; Two words never put so much fear into my heart! I used to dread going to the beach. Seriously dread it. My "comfortable weight" was around a size 12. Meaning that I wasn't exactly happy with that size, but I was used to it. I knew all the tricks to hiding my true shape, and I knew what flattered my body type. I knew which colors looked best, which clothes to layer to hide my tummy. Comfortable. Except when it came to the beach. I tried it all, cover-ups, wraps, tankinis, boy short cut bottoms, you name it and I tried it.

I didn't feel comfortable to say the least, so I went to the beach looking like this:

This was me in North Carolina over on Camp Lejeune in the summer of 2007.  My son was about 6 months old here, and this was our first time taking him to the beach. As you can see, I am not wearing any sort of swim suit. No way. I wanted to run and hide when we were on the beach, but at the same time I loved being there. It reminded me of Florida, where my parents live (and where I spent my teen and college years before I was married). The beach reminds me of home, friends, and family. My boys and I have had good times on the beach too, but always in a secluded area. We were lucky enough to find a beach over on Topsail Island, NC, while we were stationed at Lejeune and it was always deserted in this one spot. We always went there because I was comfortable there.

Well, summer is creeping up on us once again. This year I'm different. This year, we are taking our first family vacation! It's only for a few days, but that is enough to have me bursting at the seams with excitement! We got a cabin rented for a few nights right on the beach. Normally, I'd have a panic attack at the thought of this. I'm okay with it though now. I know that I am not that same girl, and I won't be looked at the same anymore. I'm not entirely over the moon about the swimsuit part yet, but I'll get through it. I'm still not totally comfortable in a swimsuit, I'm not sure if most women are, but I'll be okay knowing that I did so much work and I'm proud of myself now. I've earned my body.

This is a glimpse of where we'll be at:

Doesn't it look pretty out there? The water is so clear blue! This is me and my littlest today. My husband got the paperwork for renting out the cabin and we stopped to play at the pirate ship playground before we left. I'm obviously not "perfect" by any means, and I still have body image issues, but I'm definitely okay with myself now. I can have fun on my vacation instead of worrying like I would before. I think that is why we honestly have never been on a decent vacation, just my little family. Insecurity was a huge part of who I used to be. I'm still working through it, I'm still trying to accept every flaw I have, but I've come a long way.

I can stand tall and know that I'm the best version of myself that I can be, and for me, that is enough.

Are you getting ready for the beach? Rev up that cardio! If you are not into running, please consider it! It really melts off the pounds and empowers you like no other exercise. Try the Couch to 5K program! Running really helped me get through those last 10lbs to my goal weight, and I really started to love running. I distance run once a week (Sundays) and do sprint HIIT intervals 1-2 times a week.

Tell me how you are getting beach-ready this year! Comments are <3


1 comment

  1. I would love to be in a bikini this summer, even if it's only in my own back yard. But like you, I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable enough. I am going to start running again May 7th and I can't wait. I'm hoping it's just what I need to get rid of the last pesky pounds.

    That place you are going look amazing. And so do you! You will look incredible no matter what you are wearing. Have fun, relax, and enjoy yourself and your family.


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